From Lemons to Love, Gratitude through our IVF Journey

Gratitude. I read somewhere that you can’t have a drop of negativity in you while you’re feeling grateful for something. I don’t know how true this is, but I can’t find any evidence to dispute it. I know that in my life gratitude is a humble and peaceful feeling, a mental place of calm and safety. An IVF journey comes with a dictionary of emotions but gratitude is the easiest one to deal with. It feels good - to appreciate where you have been and where you are now because of your struggles.

We didn’t know we were going to have an IVF journey. We didn’t know we had trouble with infertility and we conceived unexpectedly. It seemed so easy. Everything was normal and we were excited to start our family. There weren’t any accompanying negative emotions to our first pregnancy, only hope and excitement. This is the best feeling and I wish this feeling could be felt by everybody. I am grateful that I had some time to experience it. If our journey had started out any differently I would never know what it was like to unexpectedly find out you are pregnant, and feel all the hope and excitement in the world. It was awesome. Even though it didn’t work out and we ended up unable to have our own children naturally, I am still grateful for everything that has happened. Yes, I said it. Everything. If you want to learn more about my first pregnancy and how I ended up medically sterilized, check out my explanation on why we are doing IVF.

The surgery was quite a hurdle for us in the first 6 weeks of marriage and I’m grateful for that, even though it felt impossible at first. We went straight from the honeymoon to life-threatening complications and me needing full assistance in the bathroom. (Welcome to marriage, honey!) It tested our new commitment, and made us stronger. It was a shared experience, even though it was scary and upsetting for us both, we went through it together and came out the other side. I had to rely on my husband fully, and he was there for me, and out of that came a more developed relationship between us. I don’t know where our relationship would be if we hadn’t gone through that, and I’m grateful to be where I am.

I truly believe that we couldn’t have been luckier on that night of the surgery. The on-call surgeon was a D.O. who worked at the same women’s clinic where I had my ultrasound from my first pregnancy scheduled. Having a D.O. was a huge blessing for us. Technically, a D.O. is a doctor of osteopathic medicine who has special training in the musculoskeletal system - but D.O.s are known for being doctors that will partner with patients to make the best decision for them, often factoring lifestyle and environmental factors into the decision. I will never forget the conversation I had with my surgeon before going into surgery. It was a quick conversation that seemed insignificant but I now know that he used that information to make decisions that would change my life forever. I told my surgeon that this was our first pregnancy, that we had just gotten married, and that we wanted to have more kids. Basically that was it. He had me sign a waiver for a blood transfusion, assured me he would do his best, and we went into surgery.

The initial news after the surgery was an overwhelming shock - you can read more about that in my explanation on why we are doing IVF. We met with the surgeon two weeks after the surgery for a follow-up, and he sat down to explain to us what really happened. He informed us that I have Stage III Endometriosis, and that it had done significant damage - mainly to my fallopian tubes. He explained that in the operating room, they struggled with the decision to remove them both and that they even called and consulted a doctor at another hospital on the issue, sharing images from the active surgery. This is where I am grateful that we had a surgeon who is a D.O., and are grateful that he made the best decision for our future. They decided to remove both fallopian tubes, fearing that leaving the tube would complicate our future fertility journey. He informed us that fluid from the swollen and damaged tubes could hinder implantation, and that with the severity of the damage we may be required to have an endometriosis excision before we could pursue fertility treatment. The surgeon and his team decided at that moment that they would do everything they could to improve our chances of successful fertility treatment. They removed both fallopian tubes, and cleaned up existing damage from the endometriosis. I am grateful for that.

I have told people my story that don’t share my same positive outlook on this surgery. It was unexpected. They didn’t consult with us. We didn’t get any opportunity to change the outcome. This is the problem with modern medicine. If you can think of a negative spin to this story, I’ve heard it. It is very easy to follow negative patterns of thinking, especially when somebody else is having the same negative attitude. My husband and I stayed strong. First and foremost, we are grateful that the surgeon saved my life. We are grateful that our infertility issue (endometriosis) was diagnosed. It is generally suspected that there are many women with undiagnosed endometriosis and I am not one of them anymore. We are grateful that the surgeon thought of our family when he made his decision. Whether it was the absolute best thing that could have been done or not, he made it with the intention of helping us be successful. And my husband and I do believe that it was the best thing that could have been done. It would have been hard to choose it, but now we have it and we’re grateful. What’s that old saying? Oh yeah. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

My husband and I are working through our first IVF treatment, lemonade in hand. We were able to move straight to IVF as our method of starting a family since I don’t have any fallopian tubes. We didn’t have to try any other type of treatment, or even make the decision about what to try. The surgeon potentially saved us years of TTC (trying to conceive, for those of you that are new to infertility) and heartbreak along the way. He definitely saved us time. Our first IVF frozen embryo transfer (FET) was 5 months exactly from the night I went to the ER.

There are so many things I can be grateful for. I’m alive. My husband and I grew together in a new way. We ended up with a lot of lemonade from our lemons. We have very high hopes for having an entire family with IVF and we’re on the right path. They say you can’t be negative while you’re grateful. I don’t know if this is true but I don’t feel negative. There have been many times where I’ve been upset or worried about what our future looked like, but gratitude is a good place to start. If you can’t be positive about what’s coming next, be grateful for the things that have already happened, or where you’re at. The rest will work itself out.